ERGH. . . I have no discipline!!!

So, it has been awhile yet again. Hence my title. I am really praying for help in that area. I feel like I would really benefit from yoga once I knew how to do it myself and could be in meditation/prayer during it.

I have gotten a lot of reading done though. I really enjoy Madeleine L'Engle lately and want to become a L'Engle scholar like a Lewis scholar, but I don't think that it has been established yet. Nor do I believe she has gotten the credit due for the theologian that she is. She explores and states great theology (in my non-academic opinion) not only in her non-fiction works but also her so called "Children's Books".

I have a new goal in life to obtain all of her ever published works. This is 62.
So for those of you who are ever wondering what gift to bestow upon my person. . . there you go. Most of them are out of print so that is the difficulty or fun depending on how you would like to look at it.

I have also experienced death in a more real way than usual. First Sam Chatterton passed away, an extremely kind man who was a Grandfather to Nate (my husband) growing up, as well he considered Paula, my Mother in Law, a daughter. It was hard. Sam was at our wedding, and at most family functions. Definitely a father-figure that will be missed at these occasions. I suppose seeing anyone cry about their Grandpa is going to effect me for the rest of my life since my Grandpa's death has impacted me the most. But there was singing and joy along with tears. And quite a compliment was paid to Sam as almost everyone of his children spoke of how he was not a religious man, but a man who held dear his personal relationship with Christ. Quite an amazing tribute if you ask me. He knew what was important.

Then my Great Uncle Ron passed away. He was my Grandma Owens, sister Rae's husband. So no blood relation, and not necessarily a really really strong relationship between him and I. However, I have wonderful summer memories of when they would visit. He was extremely tall, with a Vincent Price quality and a staunch democrat, which my Mother always loved. For some reason when I got the call I started bawling. Perhaps for my Grandma going to console her sister, perhaps for my Great Aunt. Perhaps I needed to cry. For a human body gone from this realm and into a much greater one. . .

Thursday perhaps fittingly on All Saints Day late in the evening, I received word that a twenty-six year old young woman from our church had passed away. I assumed it was due to intricate medical problems she had dealt with in the past only to be confused as to why the church hadn't been praying for these problems in awhile, as I thought she had overcome them. Then I found out she had slipped off a chair, hit her head and broken her neck alone in her apartment. . .

I haven't quite come to terms or understanding with the situation. I like to say that God and I are working on it. I realize we are not meant to understand the ways and the whys and the intricacy of the pattern (that's a bit of the Madeleine talking :o) it is important to give credit where it is due!). My humanness wants so badly to understand what her younger brother and sister, a Junior in H.S. and a 7th grader clutching each other for dear life sobbing has to do with our makers divine plan.

So I will work on letting my humanness go and perhaps the part of me that is free from walls and obstacles and needing to see to believe will feel a sense of peace in the unknowing.