Anthem by Leonard Cohen

Beauty and Truth have resonated at me lately from unexpected places and all directions. . .

"Anthem" By Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don't dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.

I can't run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me.

Ring the bells that still can ring ...

You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.

Below is something that I had written on November 10th privately. In an effort to be more transparent and an attempt to use this technology thing to create more viable community I am sharing it.
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So I am about to record my four songs for Grad school. And I am starting to feel frenzied and harried and all and any sort of twittering a person can possibly feel.

The past multitude of days have come and gone with much heartache and strife and joy and tears and love.

And now I move on.

I tell myself how excited I am to have God "make this decision for me". Because in my heart of hearts I don't know what I want and I am leaving it up to him and his will. I don't know if I am excited though. Impatience seems a better descriptor. I WANT TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE.

Especially with all the changes in these past months. I have a lot of trouble being content with being. I need a drive, a force, an event to plan up to. I must admit though, I have not planned all the holiday festivities outfits yet which is a triumph for me. A bit of a maturing I think. And while I need this event or performance to get to, I so hate the stress it causes on my heart as it is right now. The pitter patter and the uneasy stomach. Do I live for this feeling? Do I live for the accolades that come after the fact? Or do I live for them to be over?

If that is the case, what am I doing spending my whole life prepping for that performance only to breathe the sigh of relief when it is over?

What a contradiction.

I feel that I would be much more content baking cookies and selling old books and clothes and coffee.

But would God not be able to grow me as much then? How much do I gain from each sigh of relief from the frenzy?

How many little bits of wisdom have compiled themselves in my heart? What if each time my heart feels as if it might stop because it is beating so hard, it loses a bit of its fear and it's caution and gains a pearl or better said a vessel of wisdom. Can I look back and define each of them individually? Can I say playing an adolescent Edwardian era boy gave me courage or singing the song of a Prostitute on the run from the Cops gave me strength. Perhaps the defining is not possible for me as the human that I am. Perhaps the defining is God's job. A part of my "naming" so to speak.

If that is so, if each time my heart feels like it might fall out I become more of what God has intended me to be, then this heart will go frenzied on from performance to performance and event to event, until my most important audience calls me to be with him. When I am finally called home.

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And I think part of the frenzy could stop. If I could fully and ultimately encompass that Christ is my everything (an impossible feat perhaps?) and that I only sing for him would it be there? Or maybe that is why it's there. To remind me of His Glory and
the reverential awe I so often forget to give him. If I could find a way to lie down in it and be embraced by it, what would that look like? And will I ever know?


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