Holding on to the mountain by my fingernails.

I have been groaning a lot lately. Not neccesarily audibly but this deep gutteral groaning that takes over your whole being because you are in mourning.



It is so odd to experience mourning when it isn't attached to anything physical. I am not mourning for a lost pet or the death of a grandparent or something ending.



I am mourning for the life I have lived up until now and the lack of groaning of screaming and crying out to a God who is the only thing that can make me whole.



The world has had me in it's grip for 23.5 years now and I am determined to release myself from its bondage.



Don't get me wrong I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember but I have reached a point that I wasn't even aware I needed to reach.



This may sound like crazy talk, and that is fine.



I would rather be insane with Christ than sane with anyone else.



I am not claiming any spiritual epiphany rather a new awareness of what it means to me to be a Christian and a new journey of figuring out what it entails.



Ok.

Back to some sort of reality.



attempting to stay in grace

mere