height of humiliation-height of happiness

Ultimate humiliation-Trekking to Jewel with thirteen pre-teen girls to buy ice cream and toppings only to get armfuls, get in line, and not have your debit card. Turning around and telling 13 girls to "put back the ice cream" may be one of the hardest things I've ever done. You hear stories of poor mothers being embarrassed with 2 of their children in similar situations, I had 13. Then the lady was extremely rude. And the girls didn't want to put it back they just wanted to leave it, but I made
them put it back.

I felt like I was in Jr. High again. Like I had just completely ruined my first impression and no one was going to want to be a part of my small group because of my mess up (Nate found my debit card in the couch grrrrrrr).

Then we got back and the girls decided we would just eat what we had. Which consisted of

-Strawberries
-Strawberry Topping
-Animal Crackers
-Sprinkles
-Chips Ahoy
-Lime Chips

My heart burst open as I saw girls putting strawberries on lime chips and happily munching away.

Life would go on.

I may have been a little frazzled and a huge chunk of time was to be building the sundaes and talking while we did it, but we did the two games I had planned and played some volleyball (this group of girls loves it so I can't fight it).

Next week we will have a sundae party at the girls house where we are going to meet for the year.

As we were finishing up one of the seventh graders came up to me and said "If we are at the Hunt's house, how will we get the ice cream?" to which I replied, "Well don't you think I better get it ahead of time?" She smiled a big mouthful of braces and said "I like how you think" and trotted off.

They have probably already forgotten that we didn't have ice cream (well those that don't already have the pre-teen tude going on).

I will probably never forget.

But hopefully soon I can at least smile about it.

Back 2 Life, Back 2 Reality

Ahhhhhh.
Sometimes I love to just take a deep breath. To be acutely aware of my body and how it functions. I also love when you haven't really had any hydration for a bit and you can feel the water go down through your chest as it rehydrates you. It is a good feeling.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my time. I feel busy, but not busy enough.

I did a massive overhaul on the apartment yesterday. Pray, pray, pray, that if it is God's will we find someone to sublease our apartment. We really want to move to Evanston. We went and saw the apartments and they are so great! The kitchen even has room for our table which is amazing if you have seen the kitchen we have now.
So if it is to be, I would love it to be!

I am reading the whole Time Series by Madeline L'Engle right now. I started randomly but then decided to do it in honor of her passing. As of now I am on A Swiftly Tilting Planet which is the third installment. So timely, so universal. Her writing continues to amaze me. And it is really making me focus on not losing my ability to fantasize and imagine.

Speaking of fantasizing, Nate and I stayed up late last night to watch Pan's Labyrinth. AMAZING! I think everyone should see it. It is beautiful.

I need to get back to work. Tonight is my first Jr. High Girls Small Group. And for the kickoff, we are doing a big ice cream sundae party, where everyone brings their favorite topping and I provide the ice cream! I am excited to see how many will come!

mere

and the answer is. . .

No.

Stephen called today. I was in the middle of the Broadway Antique Mall with Nate. Anyways he said in lots more words that they aren't 100% sure that they can make me a career because of my less than plus size and because of that they aren't willing for me to take that risk.

Stephen was so sweet. It almost seemed as if it was hard for him to tell me no. He kept telling me that I was lovely and a lovely person on top of that. So that felt good.

Not to say I'm not disappointed, but it kind of kicked me into gear that it is so not about me.

As simple as it may seem, perhaps Stephen needed to meet another Christian wanting to share with him the love of Christ. Perhaps we were to have our short encounter for that purpose.

I should be fullfilled with that.

And I also shouldn't limit this experience to what my mortal mind can wrap itself around.

I'll be honest, I had a little cry, and I'm eating some food that is not so good for me right now, and just being grossly human.

But I have a husband and family and friends and most importantly a saviour that loves me just the way I am.

Besides, something interesting is coming this way. I can feel it in my bones.

soul vs. self

I realized that my "self" was getting away with a lot in the past 24 hours. Wanting things or a specific thing for selfish reasons.

My soul knows better.
My soul knows me.
Might be because Jesus is there.

There is a book I am reading right now called "Traveling Mercies: Some thoughts on Faith" by Anne Lamott(Natalie I think you would like her a lot!).

It along with supplication from the Good Word (he he), has gotten me through the past couple of days.

Here is an excerpt that seemed to hit home today.

"I started to feel like a tired, wired little kid at a birthday party who has had way too much sugar, who is in all ways on overload, but still finds herself blindfolded and spun around for a game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and then pushed more or less in the direction of the all with the donkey on it. But I was so turned around, so lost and overwhelmed and stressed that I couldn't even remember where the wall with the donkey was- or even in what direction it might be found. So I couldn't take one step forward without there being a chance that I was actually walking farther away from it. And it took me a while to remember that, for me, the wall with the donkey on it is Jesus."

mere

now. . . I wait.

I made the call. So now I wait until Thursday for the meeting. And I am doing surprisingly well. I told the church secretary about it and I think she felt like she was let in on this huge secret and felt special. I also told the rents which was a risky move if you know how things are there right now with issues of what to do with my life.

What I am amazed at is that I made the call. And that I didn't say UM (could be that I wrote out a script for myself, or something like that). And that I have never been more sure that the outcome doesn't matter. I don't have any butterflies just a sense of peace. But also a sense of peace that isn't me claiming success with the meeting, just a "Hey God, I'm here in your hand, so lets go for a ride".

God and me are hitting the road.

But that doesn't mean I know where we will end up!

And I don't know if I would want to.

ringringring

I'm making a phone call tomorrow. That I just need to make. That is all I will say. And hopefully I will have something else to say after the call.

backinthebloggingsaddle

So much has happened that I won't be able to get it all in.

Nate is at Garret now and absolutely loves it. I have to admit that I fall more and more in love with Evanston every time I visit. So prayers about our near future housing decisions would be greatly appreciated.

I am completely done at the store and I am excited for more free time! I am also excited to see how my former boss and I's relationship will develop without the issues of an employee-employer dynamic.

I finally got a streak in my hair. It might seem silly, but as far as things go with my physical appearance, I was always scared to do things that I wanted to do. Kinda goes along with the constant struggle of "what will people think?". So now I have a streak and a slightly asymetrical haircut! And I love it!

Worship went amazing yesterday as well, and for me it was a milestone. It was the first time I was up there doing worship with Nate for the sake of worship. So many distractions of other peoples expectations of worship and situations we had gone through with the church had always held me back. And I just let go and held on all at the same time.

I am so excited about my new job! Jr. High and High Schoolers bring you such an energy! (Which means I need to get in better shape! Guh)
Like I said before HUGE turnout. And I successfully got every single person to fill out an info sheet and got their picture. Quite a feat if you could have seen the mob!

I also look forward for free time to spend with friends. It is especially lovely to get together with Lindsay in the city and with Mackenzie for lunch.

I am going to continue to clean and organize our apartment. It never stops does it! Not when you have SO MUCH STUFF IN SUCH A SMALL SPACE!!!!!

I did purge a lot of junk this weekend though. Let's hope I can jus keep it up!

Pray for me and I will pray for you!
mere

Goodness gracious! It has been awhile. This is my first official week of my new job. Yesterday was an eleven hour day. I'm a little sore. Ha!

But we had an amazing turnout, with a ton of new faces. :o)

I have to start cleaning now though, so I will be back later today!